Is 'baggage' holding you back from dating again?

Jun 16, 2021

A ‘dating expert’ on TikTok listed 3 reasons to never date a single mother...

The reasons he mentioned all centred around the ‘baggage’ that single mums supposedly bring to a new relationship. 

The ‘baggage’ in a single mum’s case, being her children.

Now, as a woman who dated whilst being a proud mama of two beautiful boys, my immediate reaction to this so-called expert was one of pure revolt! 

I mean, how dare he think of kids as 'baggage'!

But then I remembered back, when I was just starting to date again … I held myself back and was on the fence about dating seriously for a range of reasons. 

If I’m honest, the main one being that I considered my kids as 'baggage'. 

I believed that it would be so much easier to date if I didn’t have any responsibilities. 

I was scared that good guys wouldn’t want to give me a second look because they might consider my kids as ‘baggage’. 

It made me feel so guilty to think that way, that in the beginning I felt confused and stuck … and as a result I attracted a string of low-value men.

The turning point for me came when my youngest son (who’d lost his father to cancer at the age of 1½ ) turned 5 and began to notice other kids’ dads during the school pick up.

“Where’s my daddy? Why can’t I have a daddy? Can you get me a daddy?” he asked me one evening.

… Yikes!!! That hit me in the gut like a punch when I realised the implications of my youngest son’s words...

You could say that my ‘baggage’ (a.k.a. My kids!) actually spurred me on to develop a more intentional approach to dating and to get real about what I really wanted. 

That’s when I really started to invest time, energy and money in learning how to show up in a way that led me to attract my wonderful soulmate and husband.

In the end, it turned out that, far from being a hindrance to our relationship, my ‘baggage', the fact that I was a mother, actually helped Steve and I to deepen our emotional connection. He was drawn to my courage and the close-knit relationship I enjoyed with my family and I was smitten by Steve’s willingness to bond with the boys and help make all of our lives better.

So, I invite you to consider the things you might be viewing as ‘baggage’ and to reframe them by asking yourself this question: What lesson has the ‘baggage’ helped me to learn? What positive traits do I now have as a result of it?

And if these things have been holding you back from dating, consider that the right man will not only want you in spite of your so-called ‘baggage’, but will be attracted to you because of the amazing qualities you’ve developed in response to the ‘baggage’.

So instead of assuming the worst, what is the positive light that you can put on your 'baggage'?